Trying to find my mojo

After my crash on my Newcastle to London ride I lost my mojo.  I’d trained hard for that ride and it was my main event for the year and I am devastated that mother nature decided instead of me finishing, that a hefty gust of wind would knock me off and knock me out!  I’ve had many messages and kind words from people for which I am very grateful.  I’ve received cards and flowers and yet could not pull myself together.

I worked from home as I was pretty sore and stiff and really emotional so most people I spoke to or saw have had to deal with me in tears (sorry).

Everyone has said that it was out of my control and when you end up in an ambulance that is the time to accept your ride is over.  I know all of this is true but it doesn’t make it easier.  And they are right there are other events and other rides and the training is not for nothing.

I got taken out for dinner by my lovely friend Helen and taken over the park for a picnic by another lovely friend Danielle.  One card I received from the lovely Laura was this and although I didn’t feel neither brave or strong I loved it – I could be brave and strong again.

I was due to go to Nuclear Races for a training day with Mudd Queens and didn’t want to go there either but the lovely ladies convinced me to go and so I did and I am so pleased I did.  I couldn’t do much as I was still sore but its one of my favourite places and I started in tears and finished with a huge smile on my face.

The thought of getting back on my bike quite frankly petrified me.  But after a good day on Saturday I asked my husband to go out with me for a short slow ride to see how I got on.  I can see on my garmin my heart rate and it was higher than usual, my breathing was all over the place and I felt completely panicked.  I had hoped I would get on and think I was worrying about nothing but I was freaked out.  To top it off the wind was out to play as well.  I cried at one point as I wanted to get a drink but was so scared to take my hand off the handlebar to get the bottle.  I got there in the end and finished the ride and stopped crying.  It wasn’t pretty but I got it done.

I finished the weekend with friends at a bbq where once again there were tears but ended up an amazing evening finishing in a hot tub in my underwear (trying to forget that part) with lots of laughs and smiles, which did me the world of good!

Also went back out on my club beginners ride last night and those guys never fail to make me laugh, again was nervous but had a giggle at one member who got a puncture and ended up changing it in front of a tyre sign!

I’ve done a blog post before about how important it is to have a support network and this week showed me once again that my support network is amazing and so this is just a quick post to say thank you all once again!