I Am My Biggest Critic!

As you know I did Brentwood half marathon on Sunday, my first half marathon, and if you read my previous blog post you will know it was not my best moment.

Since then I’ve had loads of comments, messages and support from people telling me how well I did and how I should be chuffed with myself. I am my biggest critic and so since Sunday have spent most of my time either feeling sorry for myself, sulking, beating myself up or having a bit of a cry.

I will explain why.

All of my training runs went better than that one event I was actually training for. My pacing was better in my training runs.   My hill running was better in my training runs.  My breathing was better in my training runs. I didn’t feel as down on myself in my training runs. It was like all the advice I’d been given and everything I’d learned just went out of the window and I fell apart.

My original goal when signing up for my first half marathon was to complete it in under 3 hours.  As my training continued and went well I then realised my goal should be to complete it in under 2.5 hours. Now I had received a lot of advice telling me that for my first half marathon I should just be aiming to complete it.

Before the event I wanted to complete the actual distance and did so with the help of my husband.  We completed it in 2 hours 21 minutes and so I think, rightly or wrongly, in my head I had this time that I was centred around and was secretly hoping I would better that. 

The week before I spent most of it in bed with laryngitis and a fever that completely wiped me out and despite lots of advice that I should pull out I decided to do the event regardless. Anyone who knows me will know I am way too stubborn and not doing it was not an option.

I was disappointed that I had several stops for water as my throat was on fire.  I was disappointed I overheated pretty quickly into the run.  I was disappointed the hills and inclines beat me.  I was disappointed I felt like I let down the two lovely friends who ran with me (who both could have smashed that but ran with me instead). I was disappointed that I found it such a struggle.  I was disappointed in how I felt and had to keep apologising to my friends running with me. I was disappointed my time was 8 minutes slower than my training run of the same distance. I was disappointed my husband would have been patiently waiting for me at the finish.

But you know what?

I did complete a half marathon. I did complete a half marathon when I wasn’t well.  I did complete a half marathon in under 2.5 hours, which was the original goal. So I didn’t do too bad I guess?

  
As a treat my husband has now entered the both of us into the Hackney half marathon and we will run together and I will not let this beat me!

This Girl Can!