Entry 190 – Honest post – having a crisis of confidence

I debated writing this but it’s not always sunshine and roses and that’s ok so figured why not?

I suffered an injury to my knee end of September and have not been right since. It was no major incident when it actually happened, in fact quite underwhelming and almost a bit of a boring story. Long and short is that following an MRI it was found to be an injury through previous trauma (though I don’t recall anything happening).

Anyway it put me out of action for a few weeks and anyone who regularly trains to go to nothing feels completely alien! I adapted though and found things I could do without having to put any weight on my knee like weights and arms and ab workouts – where there’s a will there’s a way.

When I felt able to I started to take part in events again but was super sensible and skipped any obstacles that may cause pain or aggravate my knee.

I’ve been on the bike a couple of times and apart from a few twinges nothing to report there though not tried hills and that may be a different story altogether. I have attended a few spin classes though told the instructor about the injury and again was sensible.

I’ve also tried to run again – I’m not the best runner at all but this is like going back to scratch. My knee is not loving it and it in turn makes a very grumpy Lisa!

I should note I’ve never really been injured before so this whole waiting to rest and recover is not something that I am good at – I’m way too impatient! Since the injury I’ve been careful but that in turn seems to have developed this very strange lack of self confidence. I did not anticipate an injury to result in such a crisis of confidence. Is that normal?  Having never been through this before I don’t know?

Some obstacles I’ve done numerous times before I’m now scared of doing, I seem to be unable to will myself to move on monkey bars and when I do I am not all that successful.

I was scared to get back on my bike in case something happened again even though I know it was not the bike that caused it and doctors said my knee could have gone at any time. I’m wondering when to try some hills in case that makes it worse?

I recently visited Ultimate Ninja with friends Emma and Dave and left feeling totally deflated, not because it’s not awesome, because it is, but because I was just a bit useless. I will admit I had a little cry then (you can laugh, they were tears filled with self pity – hardly first world problems in the scheme of things I know). My friend Emma had the idea of visiting a park with money bars etc and I did them and we had fun and that put a smile back on my face!

I’m lucky to be surrounded by lots of people willing to help, offer advice and support and who are patient! And as I said before where there’s a will there’s a way.

So here is my plan:

  • Start a couch to 10k running plan to slowly build up strength in my knee and get some running fitness back.
  • My husband (benefit of him being an awesome cycling coach) will write me a plan for the turbo trainer to follow and again build up the strength and endurance.
  • Continue working out with the best PT (and friend) Emma who is like gold dust and helping me get back to where I was and better and also my muddy partner in crime!
  • Continue attending the ladies only OCR class at Nuclear Wild Forest Gym for hints, tips, experience and practice on some obstacles with the awesome Tracey.
  • Attend the PT Barn family weekend and conquer some fears – Coach Scotty is amazing and his tips (including breaking down the obstacles) are invaluable!

In the meantime if anyone does find my self-confidence can you send it back?

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